Monday, December 1, 2014

D I S C 0 and K U R S E .., w1th0utme, ="HEll hath no fury a "chicken scorned"

w1th0utme = D I S C 0 and K U R S E 

Dani14113o .... <MY way>

Gem> "You will be kept busy on the phone,
fielding calls from friends and loved ones who want your time,
presence and attention. The sudden burst of popularity won't go to your head, though...You are feeling incredibly generous and have lots of bubbly, infectious energy. " ==================================================="HEll hath no fury a "chicken scorned"  

 Well, we didnt get to see the "Rocky statue..thats twice that she seemed hesitant, <she isnt keen to "share" this with me > .5 explosions in 6 weeks then last chance 
(after my sms which said "enough" from mE <sick and tired of being sick and tired >   ..5 days good "training" then ...
 as if "leaving dani." meant she must to go back to the previous (!) ways... 
...Jacqui (deceased may 05) has birthday on december 1 ,,she used to say that i am a "cynical optimist" 

, because i know "IT" . ((or people ) ar impossible, BUT do it ANYway (my way ) and sometimes miracles happen,
..drove her to NS because she-we was not in mood for Sofia, 

her anger exploded in the car, because I was honest & I said I fee1 she is not ready to have a child, and I dont want another to be grown by a sefish mother !!
she has suzzy and cant handle her.. ) or me, I spent 2 or 3 hrs explaining myself, 
and "breaking down"# a reason I prefer to be alone at this time...and ..) 
and she asked what she can do i wanted her to hold me, but it was empty, no feeling,
,,and thats been true always since 2 years, only once when after the 2nd latest arguement in NS ,
 she held me properly and said "do the best for U an us both" ) I said "I always DO"

 ..but the next day...
I was preparing for fshop after composing myself, 
(it was emotional to think about my estanged kids and loss of fatherhood)
 I was preparing HER profile and she looked at TV, so I said something,
...not aggresive, but sharp, then her brother phoned and she just left me and talked to him
... so how is it when i am NOT there:::??

... the next day she returned to usual ways < Wednesday > it went better at Csing but even then she was ...!  ...and friday after visiting OT p manager ,
 we went to get MY mobile then found a cheapy (2000 d) as mine has been assasinated, finally,
 and she suprised me by asking for a new one (2nd) as a birthday present from her bro.
 and took money from the pot...(again like Nemanjas emai1 cc,,,,like deleting freecall, etc ,
,didnt consut me first I put it in there for living expenses) ,,, so we went on laptop at irish...Pub NS
 , and she had a beer at 09,30h!!!! ...on an empty stomach,,, she didnt take care,

 I went to meet Nat, <and Jon ) ...and when I got back I asked "anything new" <NO she replied> 
but then as i w as eating lunch (chicken again) she said that she hadnt linked with the other clubs 
because "she couldnt find my link" (and obviously hadnt taken note) so 
(considering she had done almost no "work" =I had sent fan clubs emails for her 
and emails to several NP suppliers) I said "I am NOT doing yr work again"
 (especially as i had plaNNED TO DO fSHOP WORK THAT AFTERNOON AFTER A NAP= she exploded, 
another heated exchange ....and ...the end...

as I write, I have just driven back Alone with overnight stop at UE atiB REhotel (sure1y THE worst in region) 
.....when she said F 0ff ,I felt.... "thats IT" fina11y,so, I did ! 
...and she can do it her way , see Dush. and Slob. and invite an new boy toy into her bed "when she wants" to 
"USE them" (her words) in theirs, can phone who she wants, in the middle of "work" 
...drink beer or pelin....before work,,,, act like a bigot or racist ,

, ignore my training programmme etc. etc, .....
BUT I wont be "partner" or be "trainer" or anything else, if she stays the person I left or does it "her way!
 " because she is WRONG...and whist I empathise that she had to grow up in a society that desnt seem to know how to TRUlY love...I must be HoNEST!
& TAKE CARE!!!!!

further comment... I really wanted to NoT oNlY train ID with what she needs, but to show HER the world , <my way> and much more , but....

14113o=4 U!!!!

.... I got back to Dani. saturday evening, I stopped at a hotel on the way I didnt want to arrive here in the night...the road I drove saturday was VERY heaviy flooded,& the day was so stormy,
 which sort of ref1

ected the mood of how we "divorced", thats probably an appropriate word, 
considering the atmosphere as I left, .....

I dont and wont accept ANYone talking to me THAT way, how YoU have done, almost since we "agreed" ...!
It seemed as if you WANTed to BREAK this, anyway, it dont maKE any difference to YoU, 
whatever I write now! really hurt that YoU reacted so badly on a day when I had opened up so deeply to YoU!
and most things, I could say, I have already written before...even if YoU dont understand me, <or WANT to!>
... so, as stated in the "agreement" ... when it breaks <as it has, not of my choice, BTW!> 
we could seek mediation ...but I have no obligation ... to support you ANY more, but I will !! will have to come here, as I feel, it would be wrong for me to be at your place, 
as I am UNwanted there! 

apart from the SEVEN weeks I gave you, <and YoU owe me 15oo + euros> ...I CAN wait until You have it...
in some ways your lack of enthusiasm for this partnership or training <or anything personal ?>
 says that YoU only wanted to get out of your sh*te job! < or have another job waiting?>
 = you didnt show SUFFICIENT belief in me or the enterprise..<YoU didnt ask many questions about anything,
 < not even what I mailed to oT.p.> I was honest when I asked if you "know" the products you offer on the net!!!!
... and I think you dont give it YoUR "best" because you will have some cash when yr flat is sold.
THIS "critical" observation is that it was "enough" <my sms> before YoU came to Dani. , when there were FIVE "blow ups " in 6 of the previous weeks
and lAST WEEK, FoUR "explosions" in only FIVE DAYS!!!! culminating in "F*** off"..! so I did......

... YoU "surprised" me with YoUR phone purchase friday morning, <as we were there to get it for me!!> 
 but I did get it, for YoU but, YoU were NoT gratefu, & of curse U didnt give me back the cost, either..
so, WHEN he gives YoU that money, YoU can use it for a return bus ticket NS=>pg=>NS 
<YoU can please wash and bring the REd sleeping bag & towel that I left behind!
and anything else ...I may have forgot...<this hurts, to say, as its almost seems like a WRanko "deja vu" >

I cant believe that YoU "blamed" ME, for YoU not "knowing what you had to do", I asked YoU THREE times,
 before YoU left Meridian,  <I asked "are you sure"?> Tamara coud have checked if you "understood" 
....but, its just anther "excuse" and YoU didnt ask many questions at ANY time,
..That means I have supported THIS THREE months now , without resut, and ....
more stress than I have had in any new enterprise of my eventful life.
and, I will do what I can to continue, as long as YoU dont abuse me again, 
Nor do anything negative that further affects or damages me, we dont enjoy each other any more
..and thats more than a shame!

a>I ask You to send me the "dai1y reports", inc. those from last week,   via email 
b> tell me during the next 1o days IF you are going to continue with lBird <"YoUR WAY"> or if you have other plans, I have to decide what I must do...============       =  

This was before it all fell apart between us , Jacqui , I miss U and for sure, only realised after we seperated how good U were to me...
for U!
" it is NINE years since U left this earth,
the best person I have known since Birth

Jacqui, the only regret of my life
that I didnt do more for my wife
we were still married when U died
i met so many others , to me they have lied..

modern women are so cruel and cold
dont know what a good man is
they dont see the boy in me
they only think I am getting OLD..
I am very fit, play footy and ALL
I party when I can, & still having fun with football
yes I have many years, of experience
but the only one that ever made sense..
was YOU
ChRiS 141201

and it was estanged 13 years old Noelas Birthday last friday 28 Nov..this is the last photo I have of her when we played in the garden of our farmhouse,,

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